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Ask for Feelings and Opinions
Use a method of asking questions that will help people express their ideas, draw people out, and encourage discussion.
What is your reaction to….?
How do you feel about…?
What is your thinking on…?
What brings you to conclude that…?
What are some other ways to get at…?
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Paraphrase
One way to help people reach mutual understanding is to paraphrase, that is to ask one person to repeat what someone else said to interpret meaning.
Are you asking me to…?
Let me see if I understand your position. Are you saying that…?
Before we go on, let me paraphrase what I think you are proposing…?
Let me restate your last point to see if I understand.
Before you go on, do you mean that…?
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3. |
Encourage Participation
Sometimes people tend to hold back. They can be encouraged to participate by such questions as:
Lee, how do you feel about this?
Austin, how would you answer Sam’s question?
Before we go on, I’d like to hear from Brook on this.
We haven’t heard from Jack yet. Jack, how do you feel about this?
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Ask for a Summary
A lot of good ideas have been presented. Will someone please summarize the major points before we go on?
I have heard a number of proposals. Will someone summarize what has been agreed upon?
It is clear Jim does not agree. Jim, will you summarize your major objections?
I have lost track. Will someone summarize what has been done so far?
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Ask for Clarification
I didn’t understand that last comment. What would you do if…?
The examples you gave concern weekday operations. Do they also apply to weekends?
I saw Maureen shaking her head. Maureen, would it help if we took a minute to explain how these new instructions apply to your department?
It is still not clear to me. What do I do when…?
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Ask for Examples
Dorothy, will you give me some examples of what you mean?
Juan, can you expand on that? I’m not sure I understand.
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7. |
Test for Consensus
It seems that we have come to agreement on this issue. Let me ask for a show of hands on this. Does everyone accept the idea that…?
Glenda, is that your feeling too…?
Before we go on to the next issue, let me check to make sure that all have agreed to…?
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8. |
Initiate Action
How do you think we should…?
Frank, how would you suggest that we proceed on this?
I’d like some suggestions on possible ways to get started. Pierre, how would you propose we get started?
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9. |
Explore an Idea in More Detail
What are some other ways to approach this problem?
Are there other things we should consider?
Otto, what would you add to what has been said?
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10. |
Do a Quick Survey
Let’s see a show of hands. How many are for this proposal?
Beverly, why don’t you ask the others how they feel about your proposal?
How does everybody feel about this/What does everyone think about this? Let’s start with…
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11. |
Suggest a Break
We have been working on this problem for an hour. I propose we take a 10-minute break.
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Suggest a Procedure
I noticed that Carla has done most of the talking on this issue. I suggest we go around the take to see what others feel/think.
Would it help if we put the agenda items in order of importance before we start?
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13. |
Suggest They Try Something
Bridget, I don’t think you heard what Willie was trying to say. Why don’t you tell us what you heard her say before you state your objections.
Let’s go around the table so that everyone has a chance to comment on this.
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14. |
Stop the Action and ask the Group to Talk about Something
Let’s stop the discussion for a few minutes. I think it might help if each of us told the group what we are feeling right now.
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Share Your Feelings
I feel you are not giving Harry a chance to explain his position.
I’m frustrated. I think we should take this problem up next week when we have more facts. How do the rest of you feel?
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Reflect What You Think Someone is Feeling
George, I get the impression that you are not comfortable with my answer. Is that right?
Kim’s comments tell me he needs to ask some questions on this—is that right Kim?
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17. |
Be Supporting
Let’s give Tony a chance to tell it the way he sees it.
Dave, you had time to express yourself. Now it’s Harold’s turn. Please give him a chance to explain.
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18. |
Question Assumptions
Your proposal assumes that unless we use threats, they won’t cooperate. Is that right?
Your suggestion assumes we cannot meet the schedule. Is that right?
Your objection assumes we will not get promised deliveries. Is this a good/correct assumption?
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19. |
Check Targets or Orientation
Are we asking the right questions?
Are these the most important goals?
Is this the best way to get their cooperation?
Is this the only way to get it done?
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20.
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Confront Differences
Nick, you haven’t said so but it is clear to me that you don’t agree. Is that right?
Martha, you seem to be holding back on this. Is there something here you disagree with?
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21. |
Role Reversal
Why don’t you take the role of our customer for a few minutes. Now, as our customer, how would you react to this proposal?
Pretend you are the director for a moment. How would he/she react to this proposal?
How would you feel if I treated you that way?
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22.
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Look into the Future
If we did it this way, what is the worst thing that could happen?
If it doesn’t work, what have we lost?
If it works, how will it affect next week’s schedule?
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23.
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Focus on Action Choice
We have considered every possibility, we must choose from these three alternatives.
We have discussed both sides carefully. It’s time we made a choice.
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